“Everybody lies” - how to deal with it?

“Everybody lies” that is what of the popular character on television, Dr. House says. I agree, honesty is a rare entity these days. Friends lie that they won’t tell the secret you told them, while they blurt it out half drunk or in their full senses. Anyhow, a well kept secret is something only you know. No point blaming your frineds. Family lies that everything is going to be fine when you fail, which you know is not going to be the same as you expected. Lover lies that you are the best thing that happened in life, only till he sees you in your worst shape. A good person will try to stick around and a wise one may not put up with the bullshit which you splash around while deep down in crap. Employer lies that they will give you a rise for completing an important project within a deadline, which is the only lie most of you might have guessed it right. Come on now, they are spending their money on you. You know how people are cautious when it involves the green bills. Nobody would give you a raise unless you threaten to resign or they badly need you or you are going to be the next Steve Jobs. Anything replaceable for same cost can be replaced. Remember.  

It is very important to know if someone is lying or not. In simple terms, lie is defined as “an intentionally false statement”. So, you see lie cannot just happen. It has to be ‘made up’. It definitely is active process. Quite some physiological and mental work is needed (that’s how lie detectors work, these machines capture these sudden burst in energy when someone lies) to lie unless you are habituated liar or mastered the art of lying. The lie detector, built by qualified scientists, by itself is not accurate. So, I don't deem myself to be an expert at detecting lies. I vouch that I suck at it badly. So, we leave this subject alone and let the God, if any, be the judge. 

 Before you start analyzing if someone is lying or not, you need to decide if the subject is worth your time and energy. Did the person lie for a missed dinner, party or belated birthday wishes? Just let it go unless that is your boyfriend. Just kidding. Be kind, these things happen with busy pace of life or whatever. You will be least affected, apart from moments or hours of bad feeling, may be. Did the person lie to you about something that can cost you your job, money, or a  relationship?  Clear your mind and assess carefully. You don’t want to listen to many people. Listen to those you trust and be your own judge. Be very much sure before accusing anyone of lying. Get it sorted appropriately and respectfully. Try not to make it ugly. You know whom you don’t have to trust next time and just move one. Don't dwell in it. 

Not everyone who lies is a bad person. Not every lie is bad. Neither is every honest statement a good one. Imagine someone telling you on your face that you do not deserve this job interview given your credentials. Well, that may be right or it may not be. But, those words may make you feel hopeless and you end up not trying further to get the call, thinking you don't deserve it. What you don't know is that  there are other things that matter - such as contacts, a call from your previous boss or a well written email inquiring about your status- that can help you get that interview. Even if, what was told is true, but it is only half truth. The omitted half is another part of truth without which the statement may not qualify to be true. So, in such a situation you may end up hating the person who told so, or go into phase of hopelessness, or self loathing, which are all absolutely exhausting and worthless. Don't do this to yourself. Step back and think. 

Finally, my two cents: no matter what others say – a lie, a truth, or an honest advice- don’t take it straight to your head. Have a filter i.e. your conscience. Listen to yourself and believe in your judgment of what is right or good for you. Say to yourself what you want to hear from others for you to be a better person. That is your mantra. This mantra will lead you. Keep it positive and keep chanting.You will reach where you believe you want to be in the future.

Unposted post: Being doctor

From my iPhone notes: 04/27/2013 

I am writing this post after I met a group of people. The conversation went smoothly until they found out I am a doctor. Their demeanor changed towards me like a tide passing by. They looked aghast to have discovered this fact about me. Those grins, raised eyebrows and gaping mouths have become the routine response on my first encounter with new people. It surprises me that they can't believe that a five foot tall girl, who looks like a high school student, can't be a doctor they might consult. I always have this itch to tell people "Looks could be deceptive'. Then, I stop myself from putting my foot in my mouth. Anyway, the conversation went on. "Is there something you wished that could be different from what it's now?" I asked one of the fellows who was cribbing about working night shifts at his air-conditioned, carpeted office in the 12th floor of a skyscraper Taking a deep breath he replied, "I wish the earth was flat, not spherical. Wish there was one single sunrise in the whole world, unlike now- where the sunrises for a part of the world and sunsets for the other. Playing with us and deceiving us- making us think it's a new day, but it's still yesterday in another part of the world. While one thinks it's a beginning, it's the end for someone else. If the earth was flat, all of us would go to bed and wake up at the same time of the day. So there would be no need for my work at night to cater my client on the other side of the world, for there would be none of that sort. Yes, it's my selfish motive. But, that is all I can wish for after my tiring night shift where I was on long conference from my client in the U.S. " He sighed. That ends the story for engineers. His revelation made me think from my perspective as a doctor. Even to make such I wish, I have to think about those who would seek my help. Even if the earth was flat - I can't expect people to sleep like a dead person with fever, pain or what so ever. I can't ask the pregnant lady not bear down the her baby at night. I can't ask the appendix not to burst at night or ask the heart not stop despite the blocked artery because it's night. No, that would be impossible. No matter whether the earth is flat or spherical, whether is day or night, it's duty of doctor to cater the sufferers irrespective of time, place, person or state of his mind. We walk around the deserted corridors of the hospital at night, checking the vitals, making sure the patient is doing fine. Oblivious to the aching legs though I had been on my legs all day - thanks to the busy OPD and post OPD patient check up, case writing and lab works. Oblivious to the stinking hospital corridors as I run across them when I am paged. Oblivious to the unkempt hair, soiled apron, stack of pens, pen torches, syringes, prescription pad ruthlessly stuffed in my pockets and the stethoscope dangling around my neck. No matter how uncomfortable I am at that point of time, I make it a point to enquire the comfort of my patient and do all that I can get his comfort back. I don't complain. But, do all people understand that we sacrifice our sleep, sanity of mind and comforts to help them heal and not make faces, when I say I am on a night duty. Most are like didn't you realise what you were getting into when you chose the medical seat, just get used to it. They don't understand that I am not asking them to pity me, but leave me alone so I can rest well before my night shift. I meet a lot of such people who disparage doctor's duty, maligning them as money minded, whenever there is a flash news showing medical negligence of a doctor or simply otherwise. They take no time to generalize and blame all doctors, but never acknowledge how demanding, at times inhumane, is their working life is. People - I don't get your attitude. You at time pity me and go on to add that being a doctor is a noble job. I should not be disheartened to do night duty. And, you at time despise me saying, all you doctors want is money, so you people work late night, neglecting your health for the sake of making money Maybe you don't understand me (or i don't understand you). Leave apart the question of respecting my profession, don't pity me that I have to work while everyone is asleep. I work even on holidays and I don't get off on all weekend, I am ok with that. But, don't disrespect me duty thinking all my actions are routed towards making a fortune. If I was keen on getting rich alone, I would surely not being a doctor. I am aware of my working hours and do not despise it by making faces or cribbing about it. I have embraced the field of medicine. Being a doctor is a way of living who is student for lifetime. I study throughout my life, I have accepted it and you too should accept that it's the way I live. Keep your opinions to yourself, keep your sympathy to yourself. If you want things to be better, better yourself for I know I am incomparable to anyone, for I am my own competitor. I am not a philanthropist, I am not great enough to be acting like one. I am a common man (or, woman; I care the least) with emotions, values who loves what he does for a living. I like to rock and roll, dance crazy, spend time holidaying with friends and family. It's you who labelled me as someone with divine power to cure anything and anybody under the sun at times; and greedy other times. All I want people to understand is I am just like any other person who does his job, a tough one (taking the responsibility for some strangers well being and their life is no joke). We doctor are aware of our limitation and we do our best to serve our patients. When we say we have had a tiring day we mean we didn't have time to even pee. When we say we had a bad day, probably we saw a patient of ours succumb to his illness. When we say I have a night duty, we mean we are going to be on our feet all night without batting an eyelid and work through the night after a busy OPD and continue to work the next day if needed. We hate to elaborate, because there is so much to explain and most of you won't understand. So, next time you meet a doctor don't crib about your night shifts unless you are one too. I too err because I am no God-man and don't judge my morale because I am a doctor. I got a job to do which I know how to do. I will stick to my job and you stick to yours. (Last sentence courtesy: Sachin Tendulkar)